{"id":1607,"date":"2012-07-29T23:55:36","date_gmt":"2012-07-30T06:55:36","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/markccrowley.com\/?p=1607"},"modified":"2012-07-29T23:55:36","modified_gmt":"2012-07-30T06:55:36","slug":"when-stephen-covey-made-me-really-mad-my-posthumous-apology","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/staging-wmplo.xyz\/mark-c-divi5\/when-stephen-covey-made-me-really-mad-my-posthumous-apology\/","title":{"rendered":"When Stephen Covey Made Me Really Mad: My Posthumous Apology"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignright size-medium wp-image-1611\" title=\"Stephen Covey\" alt=\"Dr. Stephen Covey\" src=\"https:\/\/staging-wmplo.xyz\/mark-c-divi5\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/07\/covey1-300x235.jpg\" width=\"300\" height=\"235\" \/>Stephen Covey made me really mad twenty years ago and it\u2019s only recently that I\u2019ve come to realize that he was right, I was wrong, and I owe him an apology.<\/p>\n<p>Covey, of course, passed away a few days ago, and so I clearly missed the opportunity to express my mea culpas while he still was alive.\u00a0 The good news is he never knew I was upset; I never actually told him.\u00a0 But, in my heart, I still feel compelled to share the story (maybe he can read this where he is) and (if not) hope very much that it will be of great help to you.<\/p>\n<p>It was 1991.\u00a0 The 60-year-old bank where I was working had just suffered some massive loan losses, and the future of the firm suddenly was in peril.<\/p>\n<p>It was a peculiar company in the sense that many of the people working there \u2013 my wife and best friends included \u2013 really had never worked anywhere else.\u00a0 We\u2019d begun our careers there in our early twenties, and hadn\u2019t yet had enough life experience to know that banks could fail, people could lose jobs, life was inherently uncertain and, despite it all, we would be ok.\u00a0 So, when news came out that our stock price had plummeted and more big losses were imminent, a lot of us descended into fear.<\/p>\n<p>Our bank had an annual meeting where every manager in the firm was invited.\u00a0 It was part of my responsibilities to plan and execute this event \u2013 and that included the selection of a keynote speaker.\u00a0 In light of the sudden change-of-fate the bank was experiencing, I decided we needed a presenter who could lift us up.\u00a0 Someone who would inspire us to believe we could turn things around and to keep our hopes high.<\/p>\n<p>Working with a speaker\u2019s bureau, I hired Stephen Covey to come speak; but there was one caveat to the selection.\u00a0 I wanted to have a conversation with him prior to the event, and to share my intentions for the meeting and lay out my expectations for his address.\u00a0 Covey willingly agreed to meet, and we had an almost hour-long chat.\u00a0 When we were done, I was absolutely certain he knew I wanted the most upbeat speech possible.<\/p>\n<p>Covey didn\u2019t waste a minute of his speech before annoying me.\u00a0 Acknowledging our bank\u2019s setback, he immediately launched into the story of Victor Frankl, a German Jew imprisoned in Nazi death camps \u201cwhere he experienced things so repugnant to our sense of decency that we shutter to even repeat them.\u201d\u00a0 Covey told the audience that Frankl was mercilessly tortured, never knew moment-to-moment what his fate would be, and suffered through the deaths of his parents, brother and wife \u2013 most in the gas chambers.<\/p>\n<p>Honestly, I wasn\u2019t mature enough at the time to understand why Covey thought such a distressing story could some how restore our spirits.\u00a0\u00a0 In light of our recent conversation, I perceived his tale to be a complete downer, and I think I mostly tuned out the rest of what he had to say.<\/p>\n<p>But here\u2019s what Covey did go on to express, and why it was so relevant to all of us listening.<!--more--><\/p>\n<p>Despite all the massive indignities and losses Frankl suffered \u2013 and they were many \u2013 he came to realize that he could decide within himself how his experience would affect him. <em>\u201cHe had the power to choose his response.\u201d\u00a0 \u201cBetween stimulus and response, man has the freedom to choose\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n<p>Referencing all that happened to Frankl, what Covey wanted us to realize is that no situation is ever so dark that we can\u2019t control our feelings, look for alternatives and put our energies into new courses of action.\u00a0 Had I really been listening, I would have heard Covey share an idea that could have helped me more successfully navigate through the future death of my bank, along with scores of future setbacks.\u00a0 <strong><em>It\u2019s not what happens to us, but our response to what happens to us.\u201d<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n<p>For weeks after the conference, when the bank\u2019s future remained dark and unknown, my best friend and I would meet every Sunday and go for a long run.\u00a0 He worked at the bank (and apparently didn\u2019t listen to Covey either) and all we did was bring each other deeper into fear through our chatter.\u00a0 \u201cWhat if I can\u2019t find a new job?\u00a0 \u201cHow will I be able to keep my house?\u201d\u00a0 \u201cI don\u2019t want to have to move out of San Diego.\u201d\u00a0 \u201cWe\u2019re all going to die!\u201d<\/p>\n<p><em>\u201cWhat matters most is how we respond to what we experience in life.\u201d<\/em>\u00a0 This is what Steven Covey went on to say and he was spot on right.<\/p>\n<p>Sadly, much of the greatest wisdom we all acquire comes from our own life experiences (hard-earned wisdom), rather than from the good intentions of those who\u2019ve already learned it and seek to prevent us from pain.\u00a0\u00a0 Noting this, I hope you\u2019ll listen to me when I say, your life will be so much happier and successful if you purposely choose to not feel miserable when things don\u2019t go your way (which is a whole lot of the time). \u00a0This is particularly empowering advice when you&#8217;re leading a lot of other people, too.<\/p>\n<p><em><strong>We&#8217;re always honored when you forwarded these blogs on to friends, colleagues and arch-enemies. \u00a0We&#8217;ll send these to you directly if you&#8217;d like (<a href=\"https:\/\/staging-wmplo.xyz\/mark-c-divi5\/subscribe\/\">sign up here)<\/a> and promise to never sell your information or call you to sell insurance.<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n<p><em>PS: \u00a0After this article was posted, all of the social media counters on our website mysteriously reverted to zeros &#8212; and all historical share counts were lost.<\/em><strong><em>\u00a0\u00a0All links now are working!<br \/>\n<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong><em>\u00a0<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Stephen Covey made me really mad twenty years ago and it\u2019s only recently that I\u2019ve come to realize that he was right, I was wrong, and I owe him an apology. Covey, of course, passed away a few days ago, and so I clearly missed the opportunity to express my mea culpas while he still [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[12,13,14,15,16],"tags":[69,109,193,197,225,233],"class_list":["post-1607","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-lifeaffairs","category-heartleadershipinpractice","category-leadership","category-lifelessons","category-wisdomefromotherauthors","tag-emotional-intelligence","tag-human-performance","tag-stephen-covey","tag-success","tag-victor-frankl","tag-wisdom"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v27.6 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>When Stephen Covey Made Me Really Mad: My Posthumous Apology  - Mark C. 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